Men kneeling before women to propose marriage or ask for forgiveness is a familiar scene on Nollywood movies, but in a patriarchal society like Nigeria, this tendency is not endearing to many who see it as surrendering their masculinity to the opposite sex.
Millennials in Nigeria especially those exposed to Western culture through education, films and other interactions kneel on one leg in public places, restaurants, homes, and anywhere to propose to their girlfriends.
But other sections of Nigerian society view this spectacle with disdain and sometimes outright derision.
“it as aping Western culture and diminishing everything potent about men, African men and the shocking thing is this takes place in Africa” says environmentalist Dr. Kassim Ahmed in support of actor Pete Edochie, a prominent voice in Nigeria’s Nollywood circles who spoke against the tendency recently.
Dr. Ahmed tells the African Press Agency in Abuja that it is absurd for an African man to kneel to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage.
“In most cases when such a woman lashes out against their husband, she will remind him who came begging to marry who” he observes.
The Nollywood veteran, 72-year-old Pete Edochie did not mince his words when speaking about the practice insinuating that African men especially those in Nigeria are willingly giving up their God-given masculinity to women.
Edochie, a holder of Nigeria’s Member of the Order of the Niger (MON), is one of Africa’s most talented actors and winner of the Merit Award by Africa Magic and Lifetime Achievement.
He starred in Nollywood movies in which this kind of scene runs through but Edochie warned African men about the follies of embracing everything about Western culture.
“I didn’t have to kneel to propose to my wife and we’ve stayed 50 years in our marriage, I took my time to woo her and when it was time to settle down, I asked if she’ll marry me and that was it’’ he said.
Mr Jerry Okolo, a Quantity Surveyor, says he had always kicked against Nigerian men ‘humiliating themselves in front of women”.
Okolo says there is nothing wrong with our old ways of proposing marriage between a man and a woman in Nigeria but young Africans these days are infatuated with Western culture and borrow many things from it and pretend that it’s their own.
“In the true African tradition, parents are involved in consummating a marriage relationship’’ he explains.
Okolo, 65, says when Africa was Africa it was the girl who knelt before her suitor or would-be husband and his parents, not the other way round.
“The girl kneels and bows before the husband and her in-laws. In our Nigerian tradition even today the woman carries a glass of palmwine around to locate the man, kneels and bow down to give him the drink” he explains.
Shaking his head ruefully he adds: “This borrowed Oyibo (white people) culture is why wives can slap and abuse their husbands’’.
Miss Esse Ekama, a journalist, retorts: “It’s absolute rubbish. It is alien to our culture. I am supposed to kneel before my husband not the other way round.’’
Mr Segun Aribike, a veteran retired journalist and Editor-In-Chief, says kneeling to propose to a woman is not in the culture of Africa.
“It is not in African culture. The problem is our people just adopt everything European as the right thing. We, as a people, are losing our way gradually. Show me a photo or video where a Chinese, Japanese or Arab kneels before a woman to propose to her’’ he says.
Mr Adaka Momoh, former Director of Immigration, also holds the view that such a tendency is unsuited for Africa. “It is an innovation that is a bad way of showing love’’ he retorts.
Dr Segun Olanipeku, a professor in the United States told APA via Whatsapp: “My perspective on this is clear. I don’t think it is dignifying for a male African to kneel before a woman under any circumstance. It is an abomination which is tantamount to the surrendering of his masculinity and which sane man would willingly surrender this”?
Professor of Philosophy at the National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN), Prof. Sam Smah says kneeling down to anyone is a message that should be decoded.
“I don’t know what the act of kneeling down in modern times signify. However, kneeling down is a sign of respect and regard and maybe chivalry in western eyes’’ he says
Hajia Sani, a 54-year-old multimedia specialist and mother of three sees nothing bad in professing love to a woman by kneeling down before her.
“In fact, the man should not just kneel down but also clean the floor she walks on with his mouth and grovel for at least 365 days to really comprehend what he is asking for and to appreciate it if and when he is granted acceptance’’ she says.
According to an article in Bustle, “Why Do Guys Kneel To Propose? The History Of The Modern, Western Proposal’’, Jr Thorpe, sees it as a modern marriage proposal in the Western world.
“If you stop to think about modern marriage proposals in the Western world for more than two seconds, you can come to the conclusion that they’re pretty bizarre.
“Why do guys kneel to propose? Why the ring? And why don’t women propose too? What is going on? It turns out that much of the history of marriage proposals (or intentions for betrothal) involves old traditions, modern ideas, influences from throughout European history, and a judicious use of guesswork.
“The idea of kneeling on one’s knees as essential to the standard proposal is not enshrined in history; it appears to be a largely modern invention, but it’s not clear how it originated’’ he observes.
MM/as/APA