Just before dawn on a February morning, the smell of burning thatch suddenly filled the air. Neighbours immediately rushed to the scene, and yet they arrived too late. Inside what used to be a home, they found the charred remains of a young woman and her children.
The horrific sight of this suicide scene was met with mourning whispers, then village life moved on, back to business pretty much as usual.
“She never spoke of the deep pain she must have been going through, but the day before she took her life, her husband brought home a new wife,” said one of the neighbours who made the macabre discovery.
Sadly, this tragedy is part of a what seems to be becoming a trend in Warrap State. Here, three similar cases of women ending their own lives, and sometimes those of their children as well, took place in February alone.
Devastating as these heartbreaking incidents have been, the stigma surrounding mental health issues and suicides has meant that the response by local authorities and community members alike has been silence, at best.
In a bid to at least dent the taboo enshrouding psychological suffering and its too often fatal consequences, the Kuajok field office of the United Nations Mission in South Sudan (UNMISS) decided to make the most of its commemoration of International Women’s Day by raising awareness on emotional distress, its causes and effects.
During an all-female community plenary discussion held at the Kuajok Women and Girls’ Friendly Center, a safe space constructed with funding from the peacekeeping mission, survivors, advocates for women’s rights and community members spoke openly about their own and/or others’ suffering and how it has been met and received, or not, by neighbours, police, courts, traditional leaders and others.
Adultery, sexual or other forms of violence and abuse, husbands adding wives or replacing an existing one with a new and often younger one are all common practices leading to severe distress among South Sudanese women and girls.
“And yet the burden falls entirely on the women affected. Men attribute their suffering or suicides to women’s ‘weakness’ rather than them having been abandoned, abused or mistreated. There is no sympathy; on the contrary, many families are ashamed of even mentioning the name of a daughter who has killed herself,” a women’s rights advocate revealed, drawing on her extensive experience of talking to affected families.
“Nobody asks themselves what has pushed a woman or girl to commit suicide. Nobody discusses how they could have helped before disaster strikes,” she added.
A recent case provides a textbook example. When a well-known general found out that his daughter had ended her life, he turned grief into punishment.
“He considered it an insult to his name. Instead of checking on the mental health of his other daughters, he had them arrested and thrown in jail, without any kind of trial,” a social worker familiar with the tragedy said.
Women’s hopes of justice are frequently shattered if and when their grievances are brought before the traditional, male-dominated courts they are referred to.
“When I had been assaulted and went to court, they laughed at me,” a young woman from Kuajok said. “The chief told me ‘It’s better you just marry him, at least he will take care of you’”.
Such attitudes among law enforcers mean that most families choose to settle incidents of rapes or abuse by means of forced marriages.
“My parents told me this was better than being known as a girl who went to court. They said I should accept my fate,” another survivor said, with a chief from a traditional court admitting that the justice system is biased.
“The court is for men. Women, we tend to believe, solve things within the home and that’s it, but maybe we need to listen more,” said chief pondered.
But what comes first: talking or being prepared to listen?
“Psychosocial support is desperately needed, but what can we do to prevent suicides if we don’t talk about these issues? It’s deeply frustrating,” admitted a counsellor specialized in traumas.
At the heart of the matter, believes UNMISS Gender Affairs Officer Roda Sube, is women’s right to life, dignity and a broader perception of themselves.
“If a woman has agreed to be a second or third wife, why does she feel that she must kill herself when a fourth or fifth is brought? It is often because she believes that she has no other identity, no other future outside of marriage. We need to change that mindset.”
Another survivor who participated in the discussion, now working for a women’s rights group, agreed with Ms. Sube’s “diagnosis”.
“If someone had just told me that I could stand on my own I wouldn’t have spent so many nights wishing that I was dead. Now I understand and know that I deserve to live, and that makes all the difference in the world.”
WN/as/APA